Tag Archives: confidence

On Boundaries & Reclaiming My Space.

When I was invited to spend an evening with Marlon Wayans for the premier of his new show Marlon on NBC, I thought of every excuse not to go.

Excuse #1: For what media outlet? I haven’t touched this blog in almost 2 years. Who am I? I am no one.

Excuse #2: I’ve never done this before AND I don’t even know where the battery for my DSLR camera is. (because I’m too green to know that there would be a professional photog *facepalm)

Needless to say I went, and while I was there to create buzz around the premier of Marlon, It wouldn’t be me if I didn’t leave with a little life lesson in my back pocket.

I promise my mouth isn’t this big. Source: Alicia Renece Photography

Source Alicia Renece Photography

Source: Alicia Renece Photography

Me and Marlon! Source: Alicia Renece Photography

Those of us who relate to the world by sharing our stories, often struggle with boundaries. How do I balance sharing with y’all, and respecting people’s privacy like DJ Khaled taught me?

Marlon’s new self-titled show is loosely based on his life. It’s a family sitcom that offers a peek into the life of a divorced couple, closely co-parenting their children and still operating as a family. I took this opportunity to ask him how he sets boundaries when he’s developing his show topics. It was refreshing for him to echo the same concerns with his children and how they feel about him putting all their business in the streets. (In fact those seem like the only opinions that matter to him). My major takeaway from his response, was that you get a feel for everyone’s personal boundaries and act accordingly.

“I’ve made a couple mistakes, but you get to learn, ok–who’s sensitive and who’s not and you go from there.”

“I think everybody in my life understands who I am…My whole purpose is not to hurt the feelings of people in my life, my purpose is to extract the things that may be painful and turn those things into a smile”

And there it is. Dassit.

Life has a way of forcing you to sit still. Sometimes things happen so fast that you’re forced to just stand there and watch it happen. 2016 (and the first half of 2017) was a lot like that. Partly because I lacked the energy or inspiration to pull words together, partly because I just didn’t feel like it, but mostly because I felt conflicted about the direction my content was going in. 400-something days later and a drafts folder full of unfinished posts, I’ve realized that I don’t feel as guilty about being absent from this space as I think I’m supposed to, and it took that time away to realize that all of you come here because you like reading my stories. So I’m gonna write my stories.

My purpose is to share pieces of my life that inspire others and normalize parts of our lives that we think only we experience. Not only should I NOT feel anxiety about sharing, but I should share more, because every time I do, I’m making somebody feel a little more normal, prompting somebody to do a self-check, or showing someone something that I wish I would have known. And the responses that I get always let me know that it’s necessary.

Who knew a fool like Marlon Wayans could get me to feel comfortable enough to return to this space? If for no other reason than that (besides the fact that the show is hilarious) I’ll def be tuning in, I hope y’all will too! Check out the trailer below!

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The Fault in My Scars

Last weekend, my husband decided that we should be baby-less for a day. Between an 18-month-old who’s just discovered running and standing on things, a demanding full-time job, and my husband consistently working overnight and on weekends, I jumped at the chance to live sans baby if only for a few hours.

I immediately obsessed over what I would wear. The forecast called for a mild, low 80’s day, which meant we would probably be spending our quality time outdoors in the city. I decided to go for the perfect combination of sexy and relaxed, settling on a black fold over maxi skirt that he loves to watch my booty in, with a cropped tee — but not too cropped, because tiger stripes.

I showered and applied my sugar-cookie-scented shea butter mix, before heading to the bathroom to continue my grooming routine. I piled on some mascara and painted my lips with “Korean Candy”, one of my favorite summery hues. As I was reaching to coif my hair into my signature messy bun, my shirt rose above my waistline, just enough to expose my stretch marks. Instead of quickly adjusting it as reflex would have it, I paused and found myself admiring the way I looked. I saw sexy. The fold-over on the maxi accentuated my waist perfectly, and the angle at which my top exposed my stomach framed the perfect curve down to my hips. I saw the stretch marks, but they looked perfectly in place as I imagined my husband coming up behind me and wrapping his arms around my waist as he usually does.

For just a hot second, I felt like I wouldn’t mind if my top just so happened to raise up and expose my stomach again during the day… around other people…strangers. For just that quick second, I felt a wave of body confidence that was new to me…

Read the rest at From A Wildflower

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#TBT: Longing for my Throwback Body

Every day, I’m forced to walk past an entire wall of mirrors in order to begin my morning routine. More often than not, I stop and take inventory of what my body has become. Some days I stand and admire the hourglass curve that’s taking its sweet time to re-appear in my torso. Other days I stand there poking and prodding, wondering how much a quick lipo/tummy tuck would set me back.

Yes. I’m a tiger that earned my stripes and my c-section scar is a badge of honor and all that other psuedo-inspirational, instagram meme stuff. But to be real, I’m 25 and if I can be selfish for just a moment, I just want my body back to way it was before.

The thing about being a young mom — given the state of your post-baby body, you may or may not be able to participate in trends made for the twenty-somethings like your peers do. It sounds shallow, but some days you just want to be carefree about what you wear and not have to worry about your “mommy tummy”. I’ll never again know the joys of rocking a breezy crop top with a pair of low riding jeans, and you won’t catch me in a bikini unless the bottoms cover my belly button.

Crop top + high waist. Still MILF-Y.

Crop top + high waist. Still MILF-Y.

Most days it’s “kissmyasssowhat” (Michael Blackson voice).  I had a baby. I have stretch marks. I have a c-section scar that separates one part of my abdomen from the other, which is sometimes visible under clothes. It is what it is. But just when I start to feel somewhat comfortable, there’s a photograph coming across some social network timeline of a mom with a perfectly flat, stretch mark-less stomach. Why can’t EYE look like that?

Don’t mistake this for me saying that I don’t think I’m MILF-Y. Cuz I’m most definitely MILF-Y. I just have to do things a little differently now, like pay attention to the materials I choose, and be mindful of how things will fall on my tummy. If I want to wear a crop top, I have to make sure that whatever I’m wearing on the bottom covers up my tiger stripes. I have to make sure my dress isn’t SO tight in the front that it may show a roll. When an outfit doesn’t flatter you quite the way you imagined it would, it eats away at the tiniest iota of your confidence. We all have those moments. Right?

In a little over a month, my girls and I will be reinstating our annual Miami trip — only interrupted for two out of four of us to give birth. This is the first time post pregnancy that I’m going somewhere where most of the people surrounding me will be quite scantily clad. Of course I don’t want to be the one looking like a covered up granny,  but I’m pretty sure I would feel most comfortable in a one piece WITH a sarong to cover up ALL of my stretch marks–they get on your legs too. But that’s not what I’m going to do. Because I’m just too fabulous for that. Too fabulous, and too MILF-Y.

Miami. Pre-baby.

Miami. Pre-baby.

For the past few weeks I’ve been scouring the net trying to find, mommy-friendly outfits that also won’t have me looking like a “mom” if you know what I mean. I came across a leopard print bathing suit from ASOS. It managed to combine a youthful look with a cut that would cover my major worry spots, so I went out on a limb and ordered it. When it finally came, I carefully peeled back the packaging and examined the size 6 bathing suit.

“This thing looks TOO damn small…

I thought to myself as I began to prepare myself for the worst. I put one leg in, and then the other, and finally pulled it all the way up and tied the strings around my neck. It fit! I have to admit I was surprised. I stepped in front of the mirror and was indeed feeling myself.

I still do wish I could wear some of these really cute cut-out bathing suits and bikinis or wear a little crop top without something high-waisted, but for all of those moments when I’m down on myself, there’s twice as many more that I’m feeling myself — and with good reason *hairflip*.

I think I’ll be alright for the summer.

 

 

 

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