Tag Archives: gym

For Colored Girls Who’ve Considered Lipo When Working Out Isn’t Enough

Listen. Going to the gym sucks. It’s not, nor has it ever been the move. Idc. It’s not fun. It’s not refreshing. It’s not exhilarating, or any other colorful words you people use to camouflage your anguish.

image

I’m almost four months postpartum, which puts me a little behind on sculpting my summer body. In case anyone else missed it, it’s summer already and despite breastfeeding and pumping, my belly didn’t melt off like those bombshell moms on Instagram.

See, the last pregnancy I didn’t really care about getting all the way back to my pre-mommy figure because I planned on getting pregnant again pretty quickly. So I worked out…but not that hard. Because why waste all that work just to get all fat again? Right? Right. Follow Me.

But now that I’m done having kids (I think?) I’m on operation bad boosh a la Joseline Hernandez. Except I like to eat Bonchon chicken and am an active french fry connoisseur. Which means I need to be in the gym if I want a snatched waist.

The thing is, I get all excited and research my workouts and have my whole routine in my head for when I go to the gym. Then I get there and the thrill is gone. The only thing keeping me going is 2 Chainz radio and images of Meghan Good in all of her petite glory. Is that normal?

Need New Workout shoes (1)

Example: I go hop on the Arc trainer for some cardio, then head over to the free weight machines like I do EVERY time. Out pops the annoying guy who decides for some reason that you need him to show you how to use the equipment (shoo fly). Or you have the old lunks who leave all their stuff strewn across the equipment that they’re not even using. Like…why is this a thing? Why can’t the doctors just go in and suck all the fat out immediately after giving birth? Why must I cry?

Next comes the group of people who coddle you as if you ‘ve never worked out a day in your life. Irritating. I know it comes from a good place, but I’m not a stranger to this lifestyle. To get back in shape after baby number one, I was in the gym at least four days a week. I don’t need your gym life tutorial…really. Thanks though.

not a baby

Then you have little hiccups like the one I just had. I tried a new form of birth control. And the side-effects–well actually there was really only ONE side-effect. Within a week, I looked 6 months pregnant. Like…SUPER bloated (no, seriously, look up Mirena and bloating) Just as I had started seeing some favorable progress from the gym. Can you imagine how discouraging that is? You put yourself on a plan, start eating like you have sense, then all of your hard work is just null and void because you’re trying to avoid being pregnant again. Like…can I just not be pregnant? Anyway. I stopped that form of birth control and the bloating eventually went down, so now here we are.

I feel like I’m back at square one. But I’m going to keep going to the gym and every time I feel unmotivated I’m gonna think of Draya. That’s an attainable goal for me. I just need y’all to prepare to get tired of me and get your screen shot fingers ready. Cuz once this tummy is flat? Y’all WILL get these crop tops and all these stretch marks. Yaherrrrrd?!

Tagged , , , , , , , ,