Tag Archives: pregnancy

“Morning Sickness Isn’t Just in the Morning”, and Other Pregnancy Lies.

So if you’ve missed my subtle social media hints, I’m about 5 months into the process of becoming a mother of two. Yup! I’m pregnant!

Baby #2

Baby #2

At currently 2 years post baby number one, I have to admit that I felt the slightest tinge of jealousy seeing other women basking in their pregnancy glow and getting all the attention. Looking back, pregnancy was such a fun time. I felt like a goddess and could wear whatever I wanted because, who gon’ check me boo? That super tight unforgiving jersey knit maxi? The one that usually puts your little “pooch” on display? That was my preggo uniform complete with side of belly, boobs and booty.

I would often think back to the royal treatment I remember getting. Once, Nordstrom employees bought out a chair and bottle of sparkling water for me while my husband was shopping. I also got to skip to the front of those crazy lines at the last Presidential election. The incessant compliments of how gorgeous and glowing I was didn’t hurt either.

Now that I’m doing this again, I realize that I’d been looking through rose-colored lenses. Pregnancy is beautiful thing, but it also sucks sometimes — actually lots of times. Here are some times in particular that my body has so conveniently reminded me of the second time around.

Baby #1

Baby #1

Morning Sickness

Whoever coined this term had to have been…idk high or something. First, let’s get one thing straight. Morning sickness is really “when and however long I damn well please” sickness. Personally mine would begin in the morning and camp out all day or resurface when the spirit so moved it. A condition typically reserved for the first trimester, (first 3 months of pregnancy) I found that this time, the”morning sickness” lingered until the end of month 4…which is a long time in preggo. Random bouts of nausea, food aversions, and not being able to brush your teeth without gagging is really not the move. When I say food aversions? I mean, the mere thought or smell of a food can send you into vomit city. Not cute. Or fun.

Eating for Two

Are you hungry for two? Certainly. Preggo hunger is the most intense hunger you’ve ever felt in your life. So why not just eat right? No. Part of what makes it cruel and unusual punishment, is that your tummy is now filled with baby and amniotic fluid, and your organs are rearranged to accommodate your new guest. So your stomach? Yea, not much room to expand. While you may be starving, you take two bites of that cheeseburger your new dependent so violently demanded that you eat, and you feel like your stomach is now in your throat and could combust at any given second. No relief in sight until you expel all bodily waste, aka anything that isn’t your baby. Any fart, poop, pee, or burp must go IMMEDIATELY. Speaking of pregnancy farts — you know how people say “it smells like something crawled inside of you and died”? I’m pretty sure something crawling inside of you and living, is 10 times worse. That’s how bad they are. Oh, and there’s also heartburn.

Everyone loves Pregnant Women

Well, this isn’t exactly a lie. People are really nice to you, especially at the beginning of your pregnancy. Everyone wants to know how you’re feeling and if you need anything. There are also those really sucky people too. The people out there who are wondering why it is, that pregnant women need to rest so often or need priority when there are seats around or why it’s any of their concern. I’ve even heard people say things like “It’s not my fault she’s pregnant”  — which, no it’s not your fault, but just saying. I prob need to sit more than you do now. Being that my lungs were ousted from their rightful spot, and are now competing with my intestines, heart, kidneys, liver, and sack full of baby (which as you could imagine, makes it really hard to breathe). Also, my stomach is really heavy so I can’t stand for long periods of time because my equilibrium is off for some reason, and my stomach is hanging from my body so I need to like…rest it on my lap or something. But like me, you’ll soon find that no jaun kerr.

Oddly enough, the rudest behavior I’ve experienced while pregnant was from men on the metro. I’ve had men push past me to get the available seats, I’ve had men shove past me, not caring that my skin and a little fat is the only protection that my baby has from their stiff elbow. I’ve even had other women step in to say “Excuse me she is pregnant, you need to move,” Or offer me their seat because a man didn’t. I’m not saying chivalry is dead but…basically people think its cute and great that you’re pregnant but nobody cares about your woes, B. Oh, and around month 8? Even your husband/boyfriend/baby’s father is going to get tired of you. Prepare.

What are some pregnancy myths you’ve discovered?

 

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On Doing Things “Out of Order” Part 3

Judgement.

A resounding theme when you’re un-wed and expecting. Boy, the dirty looks you get from people’s grandmothers on the metro when your belly is filled with child and your engagement ring isn’t yet accompanied by a wedding band. Suddenly, everyone else becomes the perfect picture of sainthood as they are quick point out your proverbial scarlet letter.

I’m not too far removed from being a judgemental person myself, but after a certain number of my own experiences and reaching a certain age and level of comfort with myself, I began to worry less about what other people were doing and why they were doing it. My philosophy? Dew yew bew bew. Why is that so hard for other people?

When people get a glimpse of my ring finger, I’m usually met with an excited, upbeat “Oh how long have you been married?” To which I respond “Almost two years!” They’ll continue on about how great it is for young people to be married, how this generation doesn’t know anything about true commitment, etc, etc… “And you guys don’t have any kids right?” As if that fact alone would further validate our union. “Actually yes, we have a son!” The tone quickly changes, and I’m met with an un-enthused “Oh…well how old?” usually coupled with a look of disapproval, or disappointment–one of the two. “He’s one” I’ll say. Another “Oh.” As if that somehow changes things. As if the fact that we’ve had a child for almost as long as we’ve been married, somehow negates the commitment, love, friendship, support and everything else that our marriage provides us. Then the conversation is over. I know that I’ve just been judged.

I belong to a certain caste of women. Single mothers, mothers who have children outside of wed-lock, mothers who wore their baby down the aisle under their wedding dress, mothers who aren’t single but aren’t married either, and others who don’t follow societies timeline.We are the ones who did it wrong.

What does that even mean? I often see couples being lauded for “doing it the right way.” The right way, meaning “first comes love, then comes, marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage.” To be honest it still offends me. My son was created from love. He’s a product of love, and a source of love. Yet, people have the audacity–people who most likely engage in the same un-married sex that produced my son–to imply that my husband and I “did it wrong” because we weren’t married before he was conceived. Or because we decided to quickly have a wedding instead of doing the typical year-long engagement.

I’ll never forget this exchange with an older woman from my old job. I don’t even remember her name, and I’m not certain that she even knew mine, but she had this to say:

“Does your mother know you’re pregnant?”

I’m not one to disrespect my elders, but my face probably read something along the lines of “girl what?”

She then took a look at my engagement ring and continued:

“Oh yea, I guess ya’ll gotta hurry up and get married before that baby come.”

Well technically yes. We wanted to have our ceremony performed before I gave birth. Because who wants to plan a wedding while tending to a newborn baby? Wedding planning is scressfull(yes scressfull). But I’m almost certain by her tone, she too was implying that this was a shot-gun wedding. Something that was a last-minute arrangement as opposed to a last-minute RE-arrangement.

I don’t get what people don’t understand about the difference between a wedding and a marriage. Wedding = event. Marriage = lifetime commitment. It generally takes about 3-6 months to plan an event. For an event as expensive as a wedding, people usually plan for the next year to give themselves time to make payments. Hence, year-long engagements. So. If we know we’re getting married and someone else is paying for it, and they have the money now…then we’re waiting a year for what? Until everyone else feels comfortable? We had been discussing and preparing for marriage for years prior to this, but who’s business is that besides ours?

But you know what? July 7, 2012, after 5 happy solid years of dating, I was married to the love of my life. And on November 24th 2012, I gave birth to my little prince. We are happy, we are thriving, and we are blessed, in spite of doing it wrong. And there is not a thing that anyone’s judgement can do to change that.

Cheers Bitches.

_CGM1788Read PART 1 and PART 2

 

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On Doing Things “Out of Order” Part 1.

It’s nearing wedding season and soon, the hills will be alive with sound of eager brides. All of the Instagram timelines will be flooded with photos of gorgeous brides in their white gowns, carefully chosen to match the one  on Say Yes to the Dress. We’ll see their Pinterest perfect decorations and pictures of the newlyweds dancing their first dance as Mr. and Mrs.

Wedding culture has become quite the cult obsession. I personally, am always up for a good Four Weddings, or David Tutera marathon. Just assume that most women you know have their entire wedding planned to a “T” before they even have a suitor. From the time we’re little girls, we dream of the day we get to wear our big white princess dress.

Here’s the thing: I don’t think any of us dream of walking down the aisle, toting a 5-month pregnant belly. But it be’s like that sometimes. I did it. (and looked damn gorgeous too).

Point me in the direction of the nearest chicken wing, thanks.

Point me in the direction of the nearest chicken wing, thanks.

My Husband and I met in college circa 2007. I went to school in kind of a college town and his school was about a 15 minute drive from mine. A facebook message here, a midnight walk at the harbor there, and I was quickly caught up in the rapture. I recognized qualities of a husband in him immediately. He had drive, he had charisma–personality for days. Now, he didn’t have a lot of money, and he wasn’t flashy, but those bills? Always paid. The one thing that really stood out to me, was the way he could actually articulate his feeling and emotions–like sit and have a productive conversation about how he was feeling. A guy with emotions? Picture that. To me, that translated to fiscally responsible and emotionally available–not to mention we clicked like we were best friends for years on our first date.Win, win and win in my book.

Young & fresh, with a bomb blow-out, might I add.

Young & fresh, with a fresh blow-out.

The first serious discussion about marriage happened around year 2 or 3 of our relationship. We were still in college, and knew that it wouldn’t be coming ANY time soon, but he let me know that he was working towards a future life with me (otherwise why am I still dating you), and that’s how we continued to carry our relationship–as two people who would eventually be married. All of our plans involved each other and careful consideration for how it would affect our future family. Where we would live, If we would consider moving out of state, how children would be raised, anything involving either of our future, we discussed it with the other. We were on the “right track”.

Fast forward to year 5. We’ve both graduated college, I slowly started filling up his drawers with my things  moved in with him in a cute little apartment in a trendy DC suburb. It felt so good, and so natural to come home to him every day and exchange the highs and lows of our days. Life was great–even with him being neat and me being a slob. We were doing what young couples do. Going out on weeknights, sleeping in all day on Saturdays–the life. I was even being probed for styles of engagement rings I might like. Even still, I didn’t expect to be married for at least another two years. We were just living.

In all of our years of dating there had never been a pregnancy scare. Never. Coincidentally, my now husband  expressed his interest in having children sooner than later (which I quickly shot down). ” I don’t want to be an old parent” he said, “I want to have my first child before 30” he said. (He was nowhere near 30). Shortly thereafter, I found myself looking at a positive pregnancy test.

I’d be lying if I said that I was immediately happy. This can’t happen to me! I’m supposed to do things the “right” way. I wanted to be married for at least two years before we started working on kids!

But–life comes at you fast and not always wrapped in the pretty package that you expected. After many discussions ranging from “I don’t want you walking around with a belly and no ring on your finger” (him) to “I never wanted to marry you in a courthouse, you deserve more than that” (him) to “It’s not that deep, we can get married after I have the baby” (me) to “We’ll pay for the wedding so when the baby is born you can just focus on that” (parents) to ” Oh, in that case I guess I’m getting married this summer then” (me).

It was decided. We were getting married–in three months…

Read Part 2 HERE.

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FAQ That I Wish Weren’t So F

aren't we all...*side eye*

aren’t we all…*side eye*

I get it. I’m young. I’m married. I have a child. That’s not the ideal situation of most 25 year olds because…I don’t know, fun, life, career, sowing royal oats. Whatever it is that 25 year olds like to do besides be married and have kids.

My familial status somehow makes me the pink elephant in everyones room, warranting lots of questioning, opinion sharing and the like. Actually, I love answering these types of questions and feel it is my public duty to help people my age not be so afraid of this step in life. *cape blows in the wind*

But seriously, I just thought I’d share a couple questions that people ask me allll the time, in hopes that maybe a few more people will understand the life of a 25 year old married, mama.

Ready? Ok.

Was your pregnancy planned?
No. No it was not…well at least I didn’t plan it. A lot of pregnancies aren’t planned. This isn’t exclusive to young parents. I would have liked to “prepare”, but I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. Nothing is put in front of you that you aren’t built for. That being said, to all the non-parents: There isn’t a THING you can do to prepare yourself for the experience that is childbirth/parenthood. #dontbelievemejuhwatch

Do you feel like you’re missing out?
Missing out on what? $200 dates? Textationships? Yea, I want no parts. If it’s going out and hanging with the girls you speak of, then no. I don’t miss that either. Why? Because I still go out and hang with the girls.

Here’s how it usually goes: Girls ask me if I want to go somewhere. I ask my husband if he’s doing anything or has plans. I let him know what I plan to do. I go out with the girls. If he had something planned already,  I don’t go, or I see if I can find a sitter depending on how long I plan on being out. Voila. Magic.

Why the rush to get married?
I wouldn’t exactly call 5 years of dating a rush. But simply put, My husband is my partner in everything. We’ve grown together (and are still growing), we’ve entered into careers with the support of one another. We’re experiencing life together. If you build your empire alone, and I build my empire alone, then what’s OURS? When we’re 50 and looking back on the life and family that we built, we will have done it all together. I was with him shooting in the gym and vice versa.

“Everyone is getting married and having kids and I’m just over here…”
I’ve seen the memes. You’ve seen the memes. I mean… I commend people who are “over here trying to own several business, travel the world, be the CEO, get abs” and whatever else those memes claim to be exclusive to young singles. But there are actually people who are married, have kids, travel the world, become CEO’s, get abs and tons of other awesome things. And there are plenty of single childless people who don’t. *gasp*

I for one, am in an exciting career in my field of study (I actually nailed the interview for this job while I was 8  months preggo), I’m in the process of starting my own business, I’m blogging, I’ve been mentoring with a non-profit since 2011 and have just recently been placed into a leadership position there. So to those memes, I fervently flip my hair.

Anything else?

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