#TBT: And This is When I Knew… (2/24/2011)

…That it was time to get rid of my ex-boyfriend. I’m just sitting at my desk with my iPod on shuffle and “Wake Up Alone” by Amy Winehouse comes on. I haven’t heard this song in SO long, but for some reason. It took me back to the times in college when Brandii and I would ride around in her old car (Big Ben I think we called it) and sing our hearts out to the ENTIRE “Back to Black” CD. I remember once when we weren’t singing, this song came on. I listened to the lyrics and realized that the first verse described exactly how I felt in my situation at the time.

 

It’s okay in a day
I’m stayin’ busy
Tied up enough so I don’t have to wonder where is he?
Got so sick of cryin’, so just lately
When I catch myself, I do a 180
I stay up clean the house
At least I’m not drinkin’
Run around just so I don’t have to think about thinkin’
That silent sense of content that everyone gets
Just disappears, soon as the sun sets…
I don’t know if everyone has experienced this, but it’s like…you have to find something to do to occupy your time so you’re not constantly checking your phone because deep down you KNOW he isn’t going to call you. And I damn sure wasn’t about to blow his phone up. You get one call from me.
You go out with your friends while they run errands, go to study groups, read a book, ANYTHING to keep from looking at your phone or thinking about where he could be and why he hasn’t called yet. This works all day long. But at the end of the day, when you get back to your own bed and it’s dark and its late night phone conversation time, there is nothing else you can do to distract yourself from the fact that he hasn’t called you all day.
I was tired of that. When you start feeling like that, especially when you’re young, I feel like there is no good reason to stay in the situation. It was September of my sophomore year in college. I said I was done and hung up the phone. For good. I even went home that weekend and left my cell phone in my dorm room. Sometimes you just have to completely detach yourself. To my surprise, I was over it. A 2 1/2 year-long, high school to college relationship. I was over it in about two weeks. Didn’t shed a tear, and haven’t spoken to him since. One of my proudest moments.
*edited: That awkward moment when you look back at your 19-year-old problems and laugh. Just who did I think I was?
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One thought on “#TBT: And This is When I Knew… (2/24/2011)

  1. C says:

    Laughing at your edit, as you wonder who you thought you were at 19. In high school, I recall you being confident and self-assured (in whatever limited capacity we interacted). As I have read your posts over the years now, I get the same impression and admire it. I’m happy to see that you haven’t lost any part of that as you’ve moved through the world and transitioned into amazing new roles.

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